Biff Socko, Two-Fisted Newshound: Aug 22nd

Last updated on August 29th, 2012 at 10:01 am

It’s time for another update from BIFF SOCKO, TWO-FISTED NEWSHOUND. Biff Socko covers Comic Book News like zits on the A-V Club. Faster than Perry White! Stronger than J. Jonah Jameson! He is…BIFF SOCKO!

DATELINE: GOTHAM CITY– Comic book dealers are expecting big things from the DC “Zero Month” project. Retailers are ordering so many copies in advance that it has DC higher-ups thinking of ways to capitalize on the interest. Latest idea being kicked around: “DC Month  -1”. This would go even further back in the stories’ different continuities. For example: Batman #0 will, of course, feature Bruce Wayne’s birth to Thomas and Martha Wayne. Batman #-1 will be set nine months earlier and show Thomas and Martha enjoying a glass of wine, eating raw oysters, and listening to Barry White on the Hi-Fi.

DATELINE: EXTREEEEEEEME– Rob Liefeld has announced that his 1993 comic book opus Bloodstrike has been optioned for a motion picture. Bloodstrike is the story of a group of super-assassins who moonlight as corpses. The film will be produced by Adi Shankar, Liefeld and, of course, Liefeld’s manager. Casting will not be announced until there are  GIGANTIC advances in Human Growth Hormone research.

The Bloodstrike movie is expected to premiere as soon as Syfy Network has a 2:30am Sunday morning slot come open.

DATELINE: NEW YORK– Joss Whedon’s Avengers will debut September 25th on DVD and a four-disc Blu-ray combo pack. The pack will be loaded with bonus features, such as previously-unseen deleted scenes.

Deleted scenes include:

  • BRUCE BANNER regretting going “commando” after Hulking-out.
  • CAPTAIN AMERICA tracking down his World War II love Peggy Carter in 2012, looking into her eyes and saying: “Holy Crap! You couldn’t have slapped on a little Oil of Olay every once in a while?”
  • CHRIS HEMSWORTH calling Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders in the middle of the night, and Kristen Stewart picking up the phone..
  • AGENT COULSON singing the hilarious “I’m Not Dead Yet” song from Spamalot.
  • NICK FURY sharing a pair of Ray-bans with ROOSTER COGBURN.
  • BLACK WIDOW failing to show up at the Middle Eastern restaurant for a dinner date, leaving HAWKEYE with his shawarma in his hand.

STAY INFORMED, DISCERNING READERS! STAY ALERT, INVOLVED CITIZENS! STAY CLASSY, DETROIT! FOLLOW BIFF SOCKO ON TWITTER @bsocko

Clint McElroy Written by:

BIO BY MADLIBS: Clint McElroy is a/an (ADJECTIVE) writer with a God-given gift for (NOUN). His favorite activities include (ACTIVE VERB), (ACTIVE VERB), and twisting the heads off of (PLURAL NOUN). He is also rumored to possess an impressive (NOUN).

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