“Dear Doc Curmudgeon” is a column by Clint McElroy made up of completely fabricated responses to mostly fabricated questions. But you knew that due to your discerning nature and brilliant mind which would never fall for a columnist trying to butter you up…unless you’re into that.

Dear Doc Curmudgeon,

I’m poor. And I’m confused. I want to buy all the DC Convergence but my poverty will prevent me from making very many purchases. My confusion will prevent me from knowing, what the hell is going on. How will I know who’s going to live? Who’s going to die? who will change genders, or races, or uniforms? Help me.

Sincerely,

The Poor Confused Guy Standing In the Middle of Purple Earth Comics

I feel ya, P.C.G.S.I.T.M.O.P.E.C., I really do. Your trust in me to provide you with sage guidance moves me like five-alarm Pad Thai. So much so, I am going to take two entire columns to grant you enlightenment.

This week, we start off by going straight to the horse’s mouth…or the Hero’s mouth, so to speak.

I was honored to be one of the lauded guests at the Tri-State Comic Book Convention –known as Tri-Con to those not comfortable with words of more than two syllables. While there, I kept running into notables from the DC Universe and figured, what the heck! Let’s find out who their picks would be to snuff out in Convergence. I started with the best-known DC-er of them all:

That’s the way it is, Curmudgeonites: The Big Guns trust the Doc and they lay it on the line. And it’s not just the Good Guys, oh goodness, no. The Villains have no qualms about revealing whose head they want to see on the chopping block…or heads..

So far we’ve heard from the Good and the Bad. But as anyone will tell you, it’s all about the Mixed Families. You never know when Love is gonna hit you. Comics make strange bedfellows… and produce Human/Kryptonian/Super Soldier hybrids:

Look, they met at a Fund-Raiser, Lex was Kara’s plus-one to a girlfriend’s wedding, some bubbly, a trip on the dance floor to “Purple Rain”, next thing you know, little Kal-L-U-T-H-O-R arrives on the scene. Stranger things have happened. Nobody can resist a woman in spandex…or wings:

So everybody benefited from this little experiment: One got something off his chest other that that big red S; One got a chance to express his hatred for a whole line; One got to uncover his hatred for redheads; and I got a lunch-date with one.

So what did we learn?  Nothing, really. That will come NEXT week when I reveal my long history with the New 52, and my review of ALL the Convergence books.

It’s called a TEASE, son! A TEASE!

If you loved what you just read, leave a comment, or better yet, send a message to macmcelroyjr@gmail.com. If you didn’t like it, send a message to mxyzptlk@kltpzyxm. Or just follow him on Twitter @doccurm.