Hi folks, welcome to ARCHIE G’s. I’m your waiter, Raoul.

Here at ARCHIE G’s, we don’t think you can make a dependable Pull List decision based on the first serving of a comic. Publishers throw everything they’ve got at a first issue: promotions, gimmick covers, etc. And speculators? Sheesh, don’t get me started on speculators. Because of stuff like that, first issue sales figures are always bloated.

You need to make your decision based on the SECOND issue, because it will give you a better idea what the series will be like, issue-in, issue-out.

Which is why I ask:

You Want 2nds?

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Today’s Special:  I Hate Fairyland  #2

Yeah, Yeah, I know, I know…It’s not my turn in the rotation. But my co-worker Doc Curmudgeon, with thoughtfulness and grace and my $20 stuffed in his jeans pocket, has agreed to swap with me so I can talk about today’s Featured Entree.

Skottie Young has tapped into the zeitgeist of all single uncles.

Whenever I babysit my niece, Pidge, we follow a strict agenda:

  • One and one-half hour: Disney Princess movie
  • One hour: Playing with My Little Ponies
  • Two hours: Me trying to convince her that she really needs to go potty
  • 45 minutes: Having tea party with a guest list of 137 Palace Pets

This is like a spun-sugar Spanish Inquisition, just less interesting. So I always fall back on: “Hey, how about you unlock your claws from the ceiling, drop down, and I’ll read you a story?”

At this point, she stops imitating a bat, and plops into my lap, smelling of gummy bears and something hideous (because my two hours of pleading for a bathroom break, sadly have gone unheeded).

I begin to read fairy tales to her. And this is when, if I had been paying attention, I bet I could have felt the feather-like brush of a psychic connection with Skottie Young, who at that same moment was experiencing the same thing with his kids.

Hence, I assume, came the birth of ‘I Hate Fairyland’ from Image.

It probably came about with the loud cry “SHAZAM!”

  • The Viciousness of Scratchy
  • The Ruthlessness of Harvey Birdman
  • The Body-count of Archer
  • The Honesty of Zippy the Pinhead
  • The Subtlety of the Ambiguously Gay Duo
  • The Courage of Matt Stone and Trey Parker

It’s surprising the pages of ‘I Hate Fairyland’ don’t stick together, due to the massive amounts of blood and gore that is spewed in this book, as a 37-year old ass-kicking berserker trapped in the body of an eight-year old girl traipses through the tropes and troupes of Fairyland, slaughtering 75-80% of everybody she comes in contact with.

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It is hilariously funny. I’m beyond talking ‘Disney daytime’ funny, Beyond ‘Garfield’ funny. I am talking laugh-out-loud, scare-everybody-in-the-hospital-waiting-room funny. If for no other reason, the use of the word ‘pee-beer’ was one of my favorite literary moments of the year.

If it was still in existence, National Lampoon would be carrying “I Hate Fairyland’, sharing pages with Politenessman, Trots and Bonnie, and the Appletons. From me, that is high praise indeed.

In the most unnecessary disclaimer ever: This book is not for kids. It is also not for any member of the League of Decency, or anyone who doesn’t love the fact that this book has an alternate title that will cost me my job if I were to print it. (Let’s just say, the alternate is an alliterative two-word title where the second word is ‘Fairyland’)

Sprint down to your local comic shop like your ass is on fire to buy all copies of ‘I Hate Fairyland’ #2, #1, and all subsequent issues. This is one of my favorite books of the summer.

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I give ‘I Hate Fairyland  #2’ four headless gingerbread men.

And don’t forget my tip. Ain’t nobody gettin’ rich here.

YW2? Original Art by Michael Mayne.