I plan on observing my traditional Thanksgiving, which means by four o’clock this afternoon I will be shaking and dry-heaving in some jail cell somewhere with a world-class case of the D.T.’s.

But before my incarceration and inevitable jail cell assault by some dud named Bruno, WHAT I’M THANKFUL FOR:

–I’m thankful that I finally realized that when someone asks me what super-power i want to have it’s a rhetorical question. They are not offering to transform me into a super-being with the ability to turn invisible and sneak into the showers of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta.

–I’m thankful that at some point in the past, someone at Marvel said: “I have an idea. Let’s have Jason Aaron write a series about Wolverine starting a school!”

–I’m thankful that the Macy’s parade does not have a giant balloon of Ron Jeremy.

–I’m thankful that technology has progressed to the point where just about anyone with enough drive can create a comic book. An ass-load of them suck like a spinning black vortex in the Ninth Level of Hell, but it’s good to have a choice.

–I’m thankful for my family: Sookie Socko, Snooki Socko, Scooby Socko, Socrates Socko, Scatman Socko, Scarface Socko, Scabs Socko, and second cousin Bernard. I love you all. I may not know where you live due to the restraining orders and that pesky Witness Protection Program, but I do love ya.

–Oh yeah…I’m thankful for the handful of demented psychopaths that actually read this mish-mosh. Until your meds kick in, I’m proud to have you along for the ride.

PASS THE GIBLETS, BABY!