It’s time for another update from BIFF SOCKO, TWO-FISTED NEWSHOUND. Biff Socko covers Comic Book News like zits on the A-V Club. Faster than Perry White! Stronger than J. Jonah Jameson! He is…BIFF SOCKO!
DATELINE: A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY – Walt Disney’s Master Plan to take over the planet has come one step closer to fruition with Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilms. Utilizing sources no one else has access to, (TRANSLATION: I slipped a hundo to a very disgruntled Donald Duck) this reporter has uncovered the final components of Disney’s top secret plan for WORLD DOMINATION:
1.) All newborns will be fitted with surgically-implanted Mouse Ears immediately following birth.
2.) Each Marvel super-team must at all times have one of the Disney princesses on the active roster…which has already led to the ultra hot cat-fight between Spider-Woman and Princess Jasmine (JUST TRYANDNOT PICTURE THATONE NOW)
3.) Beginning in 2016, all Presidential elections will be decided on a VERY SPECIAL episode of Wipeout.
STAY INFORMED, DISCERNING READERS! STAY ALERT, INVOLVED CITIZENS! STAY CLASSY, MOS EISLEY! FOLLOW BIFF SOCKO ON TWITTER @bsocko